Investigating the ambiguity of freedom with Nina Simone

The wish to be free was substantial quest for Nina Simone. She has written songs about it and talked about freedom in interviews. But what is freedom actually? In one interview[1] Nina speaks about freedom, however she mentions a couple of elements about it:

  1. ‘It [freedom] is just a feeling’
  2. ‘I felt freedom on stage’ [when performing]
  3. ‘Freedom is no fear’

Freedom as the absence of fear is on the level of the emotions: without limiting fears one has the sensation of being free.

Another source where Nina discusses freedom comes from the song ‘I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free’[2].

In this performance at Montreux in 1976, Nina virtuously plays the piano while describing her wish to be free. In this song freedom gets a spiritual dimension: ‘I wish everybody would know what it is to be free, because if we don’t were murderers [of our selfs].

The definition of freedom from this song differs from the interview above. Here, freedom goes one-step further. It becomes a capability than just a feeling. Not just daring to be free, but one step further: being able to be free.

Recently, after watching the touching documentary ‘What happened, Miss Simone’ about her life, I was wondering again what freedom means. Since Nina had such an intriguing and eventful life, one can investigate multiple aspects of freedom to Nina’s life.

Nina had a grand personality and a great sense of justice. When she was just a little child, at one of her first public performances, her (black) parents were not allowed to attend her performance sitting. She would not start with her recital until her parents were allowed to sit on the front row. Nina was always painfully aware about racism in her early childhood.

A personality like Nina typically needs a lot of space in order to feel free. Her thoughts about equality of race and gender were radical at the time. Unfortunately, there were quite some restrictions in her life. Next to being black, as a young talented girl, she would practice many serious hours of piano instead of playing joyfully with order kids. Later, she played long hours at nightclubs in order to sustain her family. Even later yet her husband meticulously planned her career. To be quite fair, these restrictions did give Nina to what she wanted at the time: famous and rich. However, it did not give the freedom she was longing for. Quite the opposite: Nina became a workaholic which made her deeply unhappy and longing for deeper form of freedom (See Work Song[3] ). Later in her life, she took a long overdue vacation from everything and everyone (got a divorce, left her daughter behind, emigrated) for about eight years. Without responsibilities and enjoying life, was Nina free at last?

Sadly, freedom is not so easy. As Nina’s example shows us, there were other, more difficult barriers to freedom: the personal kind. Nina had mental health issues. She suffered from depressions and quite late in her life she got a proper diagnosis of her mental state (manic depressive and bipolar) and medication. In the years before this, she was haunted by fears arising from the depths of her mind. Is freedom to be healthy and happy and not to go mad from time to time? But, on the other hand, would Nina have created the music that she did and would Nina have fought against racism if she was mentally healthy (and perhaps happy)?

We can distinguish between a lower and a higher form of freedom. The lower form of freedom can be likened with happiness. Nina got her share of this lower freedom from sex, drinking, luxury and a long vacation. Only, as Nina’s story shows, these were superficial forms of freedom. Temporary escapes from her inner demons. The higher form of freedom has to do with purpose and sadly often comes with hardship. Nina intuitively fought her whole life against discrimination: her outcry against the racist violence in the song Mississippi Goddam[4] made her infamous. Her protest songs almost cost Nina her career. But Nina was free: on stage she had an audience where she could express her beliefs relatively open. At the time, before mass communication and Internet, this was a great feat. Nina wanted to change the world, which is obviously not possible. Consequently, Nina became angry and frustrated: she could say and shout what she wanted, but nothing would actually change.

For me, when I watch the Montreux performance of ‘I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free’, I see a woman who was born to entertain and inspire. Magically her fingers fly over the piano. The rhythm is ever changing life a mountain river. And always, Nina is completely in control.

It is also how I personally experience freedom: it is passionately doing. Instead of making music, I dance. But when I dance, I can feel completely free. With myself and one with my environment at the same time. Making music, singing or dancing can connect us with higher powers. We are lifted above our daily selves. On stage making music Nina was free, but the freedom came at a cost. Like a Phoenix she would rise above the stage and intoxicate everyone with her presence. Nina inspired her audience to be free. But after the show, Nina would be exhausted and the Phoenix would reduce to ashes. Off stage Nina experienced a completely different kind of freedom: feelings of loneliness and depression.

Concluding, we can say that Nina in her quest for freedom did manage to overcome her fears. Although she was plagued by depressions, she did speak up, went on stage and did what she deeply felt she had to do. However, she was only partly capable to be free. With her talent and hard work, she was able to become free on stage. In daily life, however, she was troubled and caught by her worries and thoughts. Nina was both blessed and cursed in her life. Her talent and music was her golden ticket towards freedom, but tragically Nina was tragically not able to integrate this freedom into her daily life. The quest for freedom seems to be an arduous one. Yes, it can give you moments of great fulfillment, but it is also a lonely burden. However, her honest, daring and passionate quest for freedom have inspired many people on their journey for freedom to this day.






Opera as an invocation subject under Grace

Some time ago I came across two versions of Nessun Dorma by opera legend Luciano Pavarotti. What struck me was that both versions had a very different quality about them. One was definitely ‘better’ than the other one. I am no expert of opera, and thus I am not able to point out any technical mistakes. But it was as if one version was able to invoke a higher power (at least in me) than the other for some mysterious reason.

On the material / technical plane both versions are identical. All the notes are written down on the score. Every one of the performers is world-class and have rehearsed the song endlessly. And Pavarotti is one of the best opera singers of our time. Unless someone makes a mistake, both versions of Nessun Dorma should have the same quality.

In one version, I can see the invocation of power in the final outcry of Vincero by Pavarotti. Just before the orchestra comes in, there is a split second that higher power is indeed invoked. Again, even though all the notes are written down on the score, there is an endless moment of excitement: will the higher power indeed come down? Then, finally the orchestra is like a wave of energy coming down from above, filling the entire opera hall. I can see it in the eyes of Luciano: the ecstasy and power which flows through him almost overpower him.

In the other version, again, technically everything sounds great. However, during the final outcry of Vincero, Pavaroti’s eyes look around the audience. A look of trance is missing in his eyes. The ‘Vincero’ seems to lack a certain depth. The music is great and beautiful, but in this version there is no invocation of a higher force.

This insight leads me to the following conclusions. Opera, by its power of the voice, can be a magical act which can invoke higher powers. Such an invocation cannot be understood (who is able to hear technical mistakes by the performers?), but everybody can feel if the invocation has been successful. Opera can be a transcending experience to a higher plane. However, this invocation is an act of Grace: it cannot be controlled even by the opera singer. Quite in the contrary: the Pavarotti needs to be technically skilled to execute the score perfectly, but at the moment supreme he should give space for the higher power to be invoked. And although everything has been prepared perfectly for the higher power come, it might not appear for some reason. This is Grace. And when Grace comes, its liberating power is so great that it is able to free Pavarotti, the audience and everybody watching this Youtube video. In one brief moment, we are released from our mental boundaries and ego’s and we feel as if we are as One. Or, we re-member that we are One.

Can you see which version of Nessun Dorma invokes a higher force?

Version 1:


Version 2:



Interstellar Videotape

  • A tribute to one of the best movies (Interstellar) and songs (Videotape by Radiohead) I have known in the last ten years. 

Since I have written two articles about the song Videotape by Radiohead, this should be no surprise that a third article would appear about this Great Song. One of the previous articles speculates about its mysterious meaning (see footnote 1).

The Great Movie Interstellar however added a new, lovely and intriguing viewpoint to this article. Not only would we have consciousness after our death, we could also be in contact with our loved ones as well. This is not an unique viewpoint: there are many tales about lamps suddenly flashing when people speak about their deceased relatives.  But what makes the movie Interstellar intriguing, is that it almost scientifically explains why this is the case: after death no longer matter remains. However, with help of gravity and most importantly love, there might be means for communication after all. Interstellar goes even further. In the movie, the main character contacts his daughter in order to give vital information about how to save the human race from extinction.

Since both the song and the movie seemed to complement each other, I edited clips of the movie Interstellar under the song Videotape. And I must say: I am not displeased by the result. 🙂



You gotta have faith! – about George Michael’s tragic loss of faith

On Monday 16 November 2017 a new documentary will be presented about the life of George Michael. There is one quote on this documentary which shocked me and even depressed me a bit:

‘my life was a waste of time’

Whaaat!?! How could his life be a waste of time? He was extremely privileged with talent and money. He gave the world great music in which he touched our hearts and liberated us. I had difficulty to accept that he came to this dark conclusion of his life. Because if his life was a waste of time…. What does this say about our own normal lives?

The question puzzled me for a couple of days until I had a discussion with a friend about faith and leaps of faith.

Faith is a bit of an old-fashioned thing, but actually it is a great technique. You believe in something what you cannot touch nor see, but by believing in something greater you get the energy and dedication to work towards a higher goal. As such you are able to achieve things beyond your comprehension.

Take for example an athlete: he believes that he can be the best in the world at something. He will work and dedicate his life for hours, days, weeks, months and years. Until he eventually reaches his goal. Or not… Mundane goals are tricky: there can only be one the best at something. Does this mean that the other athletes did not believe enough? Perhaps they were simply not talented enough?

Religious faith does not have this problem: there is an heavenly reward waiting for those who believe (as long as you are not a sinner!). If you have a strong belief, you can enjoy the warm embracing glow of heaven here on earth as long as you live! Even if in reality there is no heaven at all!

The belief in something immaterial in the future can give you great benefits. Many artists get there inspiration from a place where they do not know where it comes from. It is like a bridge from the here and now to something higher. It is there as long as you don’t look down.

As people in time change, by choice (self-development) or fate (tragic circumstances), also their core beliefs can change. All of a sudden what you believed in no longer holds true and you are left empty handed. The challenge then is to be flexible and discover a new leap of faith.

So how would I explain George saying: ‘my life was a waste of time’?

George Michael was extremely sensitive, and talented (and thus lonely) and got tons of attention. However the attention that he got was apparently superficial and not fulfilling. He led a life with an open heart and as a result was often hurt. Giving his life to love and music, without finding true fulfillment he gradually became more and more empty.

Based on his music I think that the core beliefs of George were to love and be free as much as you can. He spread his love in music, in charity and also sexually. With that last item he got in trouble, when he had been publicly caught in sexual innuendos badly harming his image along the way.

Less and less believing in freedom and free love, his bridge to inspiration dried up and he was no longer able to make the leap of faith. Despite of all his efforts he was not being able to fulfill his mission of love and freedom for himself. Did this made him say: ‘my life was a waste of time’?

However, when one bridge dies, it does not mean that the end of the world has been reached. It means that it is time to expand your world with a new bridge.

For George it might have resulted in him, instead of giving all his love to the world, giving his love also to himself. Instead of sexual adventures with other people, he might have learned to explore self-love by means of tantric techniques. Then he might have become truly free from the outside world and he have discovered a deeper layer of sensuality. This self-love might have healed the wounds created by living the intense and open life that he had lived.

Reality is obviously much more difficult and demanding than that I state here. I did not know George at bit although it feels like that because his music touched me. These are my assumptions which I present here. But what I do try to state is that faith is a magical devise which can have a dark side as well. When faith is lost for one reason or the other, a writer’s block, depression or even suicide can be the result. Being able to see what your core beliefs are and being able to reinterpret them in different circumstances, might help in recapturing the faith. That one of the greatest popular promoters of faith has lost his own faith, is a tragic conclusion to his rich and full life. And it does not mean that his message in his song ‘Faith’ is void.

Thank you for all you have given us, George.

‘I used to wait’: about taking control of my destiny

When I was a child, I was sick a lot. This made me homebound and the lack of outside interaction also made me a bit scared of new things. This made me conservative and not really liking to try new things.

Then, as I got older, I started to realize how time flies and if you do not pay attention, your life can pass by in a sigh. Actually this was more like a shock. I started to become very much interested in personal development. Personal development became spiritual development. And the more I worked with this, the more I realized two things: 1) you cannot grow if you remain in your comfort zone. And 2) outside your comfort zone is not as scary as I always thought!

I have spent about ten years in this internal process and now I feel that it is time to spread my wings and go to the outside world: I want to put my full potential to the test! But still, every two steps forward I take, there is this old step going back. I have an old pattern where I tend to wait for others to do things or to get approval from. Basically I give away my Will to other people. This has caused a lot of frustration: I give away my Will to others, they do what they want with it and I get upset because they do not do what I hoped that they would do!

I had a tendency to conform myself to the expectations of others. Expectations from my work, from lovers, family, spiritual groups. In the last year I gradually have been cutting my ‘ties’ (expectations from others) in a way which I have not done it before. In the past I have rebelled and walked away. Only to return some time later, because I walked away, but I did not let go. Now, more and more I take my destiny into my own hands. Less and less I wait for things around me to happen.

It is a very special and new process to me. This is sometimes painful. There is a sense of being alone. A sadness as a result of it. But it gives me great freedom and sense of ownership as well. I accepted that my spiritual path is a special and lonely one. After this acceptance, I became free. From time to time someone joins me for a while on a particular path. And interestingly enough: I am able to enjoy this more than in the past. Because I have no expectations of this person.

Although it is a lonely, daring and confronting path, I feel that in the end it is worth it. As the freedom growths, the sadness shrinks and I feel that I am able to genuinely tell my story. No longer with anger or fear. But just my story. Because I am worth it.

These insights came from a song by Arcade Fire called ‘We used to wait’. To me the song is about this process. It is a realization that sitting around and waiting for things to change, will not change anything. You need to bite the bullet, go beyond the pain and fear and grab your destiny with both hands! This is passion! The video clip of this song complements the song: a car on the road towards an uncertain destination. Other cars are passing by also on their own. Sometimes you exchange a glance with the other drivers and you feel connected because you share the same daring path.

This process also reminds me of the tarot card 8 of cups: indolence. Typically this card has a negative ring to it. The card depicts a guy walking alone away from the civilisation. Being tired of waiting for others to acknowledge him, he goes his own lonely way.

The card can be seen as negative, when the person is leaving without cutting his (energetic) ties. As a result he comes back some time later to find that nothing has changed. As I am letting go of my expectations, I believe that I am able to walk my own way. Hopefully I am able to give a positive to this card. Talking about leaving your comfort zone!

8 of cups.JPG

In fields of gold with your higher self

Today, I listened to Fields of Gold performed by Eva Cassidy. It hits me straight to the heart. My emotions are gently stirred and the song takes me away to lustful summer fields filled with wheat. The sun light dances over the yellow tops of the field and all is pure gold.

The song reminds me of that precious promise which I have made a couple of times in my life. Once I held a love in the sea and as the sun danced on the waves I told her that I would never let her go. Another time, another person, I made the same promise as I held her lying in bed with our tear filled eyes. ‘I will pledge my loyalty to you. I will overcome all challenges which will face us. I will change myself for us.’ Especially the last promise is very dangerous.

Then reality kicks in: these loves are gone now. The memories remain, although the initial fields of gold are stained with thick layers of shit (which, by the way, is a great fertilizer!).

In the song many years have gone and the couple celebrates their love with children running on the same fields of gold. In my reality, years go by and because of my previous experiences, the fields of gold are further away than ever. No longer can I look at fields of gold and only see the innocent waving of the wheats in the sun. I also see the harvest, a long cold winter, and future seasons which repeat all for reasons unknown to me.

My response to this song comes forward in the emotional cry of Eva at the beginning and the end of the song: hoe (hoe means how in Dutch)? After many years of personal development I realize more and more that my true love will most likely not be found with a physical partner.

And thus I turn to this other partner that I have: my inner self. One more time I listen to the song and I imagine that I sing this song for my higher self. And I remember how at one time my days were filled with darkness and sorrow. And I remember my pledge to my higher self that the glass would no longer be half empty, but half filled. How I slowly accept myself more and more for who I am even though I might cost me some people along the road. As a result slowly I am filling my field with golden experiences. A sunset in the car with a beautiful song. Looking into the dancing golden lights in a sauna pool. Having mystical experiences when dancing.

Yes, now, I feel the power of this song again. No longer does it taste bitter. It is a renewal of my commitment to my Self to walk in fields of Light. Slowly, more and more, I see my passions becoming material as if they are children running in joy through the fields of gold.

The dark sexual hymn to Persephone’s rebirth into Light

The last couple of weeks I have been completely mesmerized by the clip and song of Interpol’s Lights. It consists of a couple of seemingly not related parts: the clip, a cryptic message at the introduction and the lyrics of the song.

The clip starts of with the following intriguing message:

27-6-2017 12-33-19.png

Surely beetles have pheromones and these are released at certain times (mating season!), but beetles do not really have chambers and certainly pheromones are released automatically and not by means of ritual.

The clip of the song takes us to this mysterious pheromone-harvesting ritual. A woman in black is carefully prepared by two courtesans (!) for a ritual. At the end of the clip, she has orgasmic movements on an interestingly shaped black stone and milk like substance starts flowing from her eyes and mouth. At the end of the video the complete floor is flooded with the white substance which is collected in a drain.

The lyrics of the song are mysterious. It is like a prayer or an invocation. There is devotion, but there is also something dark and sinister about it. The song ends by repeating: ‘that’s why I hold you’.


What can all this mean?

To be honest, it took me a long time to be able to figure out what the deeper meaning of this song could be. When looking up the origin of the word pheromone, I came to the Greek root pherein, which means to transport / communicate.

Further searching on myths and symbolism of pherein, I finally struck gold: another name for Persephone is pherein phonon (bringer of death). Often pheromones ‘transport’ sexual attraction although they can also transport other messages. In the case of Persephone it is death. Identifying Persephone in the clip shed a completely different light on the song.

What do we know of Persephone? She is once abducted by Hades into the Underworld and separated from her mother Core. Core’s grief was so great that she stops all growth on the earth. By the intervention of Hermes (as the messenger of the Gods, he can be as a pheromone himself) it is agreed that Persephone will stay in the underworld one half of the year and will be on earth the other part of the year. Persephone symbolically represents the seasonality of mother earth. As the clip moves from completely black to the floor covered in white one may conclude that this ritual is about Persephone transforming from winter time to spring time. This ritual is held on the shortest day of the year: at this moment the light is born again. This is reflected in the title of the song: Lights. Why Lights might be in plural is be explained later in this article. The outfit of the courtesans indicate that this is an ongoing process: one has de top of her head black (winter) and the other the bottom part of her head (summer). On the longest day an inverse ritual will be held: from white to black. As always, the courtesans would carefully assist in the transformation.

Two things stand out in this ritual. First, there is a dark serious expression on the face of Persephone in particular and the ritual as a whole. Persephone looks as if she is about to die. And in fact she is: although she went through this ritual millions of times before, it remains scary to give up her current form in order to become another. The ritual is meticulous and the journey remains dangerous.

The second thing is fascinating: the transformation from one form to the other is sexual. The way in which Persephone lies and curls on the black stone and eventually climaxes is like she is performing a hieros gamos with the earth symbolized by the black stone. Persephone experiences a petit mort which turns out to be a grande mort and eventually a grande rebirth. Death takes the shape of divine ecstasy and a cosmic orgasm. By the voluntary sacrifice of her life, she brings life and fertilizes the earth. This is symbolized as the white fluid being captured in … a drain! Those who are familiar with the Cabalistic concept of Earth as Malkuth will recognize the drain symbolism. But how can a female goddess fertilize the Earth?

princess disks.jpg

A clue for this mystery can be found in the tarot card Princess of Disks in Crowley’s Thoth tarot. Here, a Persephone like figure stands in a barren land and decisively points a phallic diamond tipped wand to the ground. The princess has a similar look of intense brooding as Persephone has in the clip. She looks as if she is witnessing a secret wonder. She established her altar in the midst of a grove of barren trees that her fertile presence will restore to health. Persephone’s horny (pun intended!) hairdo of the clip also refer to the horns of the princess of disks. The black stone in the clip has the same symbolism as the barren earth on the tarot card. It is simultaneously a throne and a grave.

Following from the understanding of the periodic ritual of Persephone, the mystery of the Rhinoceros beetle can be understood: when the sexual pheromone message is transmitted, spring starts and as a result the mating season as well. The sperm going down the drain symbolizing the fertilization of the lands for the next spring. In Egyptian mythology Khepri was the scarab beetle god. He way a solar deity and, like sperm, is a fertilizing power. Khepri rules over creation and rebirth. It is quite fitting that within the creation of the world, there the seasonal rites of Persephone are held.

The lyrics point towards a different aspect of the song. The singer is talking to someone and asks for insights, help, and mercy. Could it be that the singer is performing a ritual where he asks for the help of Persephone to help bring forth the light in himself? After a long dark night of the soul? The main sentence of the lyrics is: ‘that’s why I hold you’. He holds Persephone, the bringer of death, in order to be reborn again. Might this be the reason why the song is called Lights instead of Light? Perhaps it is because the Light needs to be reborn every year again and again? Similarly, the Light needs to be reborn in each and every one of us. It becomes clear that the singer longs to be like Persephone: he also longs to make the daring transfer from darkness in order to orgasmically be reborn into Light.

My dance interpretation on Interpol’s Lights

Lyrics Interpol’s Lights:

All that I see Show me your ways Teach me to meet my desires… With some grace

All that I fear Don’t turn away And leave me to plead in this hole of a place… Cause what if I never break Estuary won’t you take me Far away Far away

All that I seek Please police me I want you to police me But keep it clean Uhhh…

How have you been, my day Now let’s take them away (That’s why I hold you) Strong as you’ve seen Old as you behave (That’s why I hold you) You will always obey (That’s why I hold you)

All that I feel Capital ways Teach me to grieve and conspire With my age

All that I can see Domestic spree A seething routine I could never navigate Maybe I like to stray

No heart unseen will be left so clean Not today It’s like you want it that way

All that I see Is peaceful eyes drawn away from me Drawn away from me (Drawn away from me)

We would like to take the sights (That’s why I hold you) And bring silence in disguise (That’s why I hold you, dear) We would like to meet the buyer (That’s why I hold you) That is all your life

That’s why I hold you That’s why I hold you That is why I hold you That’s why I hold you That is why I hold you dear That’s why I hold you That’s why I hold you dear….


Our tragedic misconception of threesomes

Lately I have been intrigued by threesomes. Maybe it has to do with my curious nature, the period of the year (spring, Gemini), but most notably by the Interpol song ‘No I in threesome’. On the first outset this song is a superficial and dark love song about a guy who tries to convince his girlfriend to have a threesome. But there is something more to the song. It intuitively fascinated me and after listening to the song 10+ times the image of The Lovers appeared. It changed the perspective of the song 180 degrees: now, still being in a relationship crisis, he suggests letting their separate two egos’ go and unite to realize the ultimate connection: the alchemical marriage.

Literally the song is about a relationship in demise. He thanks her for her support in the past and he describes their deadlock. As a result of the crisis they fight a lot. So what do couples do when they are in a relationship crisis? They take the risk and make a jump forward in the deep. Some couples make a third by getting children. Or more superficially in this song, they include someone else to spice things up sexually. It is a new, exiting, but often disastrous final chapter in relationships.

Seen from a spiritual perspective, however, the current roles in the relationship are finished, but not necessarily the relationship itself. The singer sees this clearly. He sings:

‘You feel the sweet breath of time
It’s whispering, its truth not mine
There’s no I in threesome’

Intuitively he knows that they need to make a jump in the abyss if they want to continue their joint spiritual development (they could stay together but then they would stop developing themselves). He knows that they need to give themselves up in order to truly become one: 1 + 1 = 3. He hints at a profound spiritual truth.
The singer seems to refer at the alchemical marriage of the king and queen as described for example in the Rosary of the Philosophers.  ( ). This is a pictorial alchemical process consisting of 20 steps (which are depicted here between the text blocks). In it a king and queen give themselves up in various stages only in order to recombine again on a higher arc. They depict the alchemical hieros gamos. This is the magical 1 + 1 = 3! Usually this is to symbolize an internal path of development, but it can also be extrapolated to relationships as well.


The song is tragic, however. Because, although the singer feels that something must be done in their relationship, but he doesn’t know how. He is no alchemist. The cost of raising the issue and failing the challenge is tremendously high: it will cost them their relationship. The singer of the song seems to know subconsciously that he will fail: if he was optimistic he would have called the song ‘No I in three’. Now it is threesome. It is the tragic ‘No’ of I in three.


This song describes a sad reality of relationships in our society: we don’t know how to realize the fabled alchemical marriages. As a result many relationships are ‘stable’, create 3’s by means of offspring, have superficial sexual encounters instead of spiritual unification. As a result most lovers don’t realize their higher potential in the relationship by losing their I but gaining a three.

Pentecost – the time to receive the Holy Ghost and to become a Christ on earth

At Pentacost we celebrate the indwelling of the Holy Ghost and the receiving of the Fiery Tongues from Christ to the 12 disciples representing humanity. From this moment on every human has personally received the Word of God and as a consequence was no longer dependent of a spiritual intermediates: every one could personally commune with God. But this gift also gave us the personal responsibility to act upon the Word of God by respecting and upholding the 10 commandments.

At the time of Pentecost the connection between the Holy Ghost and ourselves is strong. We get inspiration from our higher self and as a result our ego becomes purified and cleansed. When speaking in tongues we also realize again Gods wises. Pentecost is a wakeup for us call to stop being hypocritical.

This message is represented in the video clip of the song Rabbit in your Headlights by UNKLE. An immigrant is walking on the busy car lane towards the light at the end of the tunnel. He is speaking in tongues and is neglected and run over by passing cars. He seems to shout ‘Saint Christopher’ and ‘Shemesh!’ being Hebrew for sun. Surprisingly, although hit by cars, the immigrant is able to keep getting up. In these cars are Christian suburbian eyes: people assumed to church every Sunday, but failing to empathically respond to the needy and homeless.

The end of the clip is messianistic. It is unclear to me if he is Christ returned or that he received the Holy Ghost. Either way, the statement is clear: the cross is stronger than matter.

And with this he hints to the sacred potential that we have: when at Pentecost we internalize the Holy Ghost, we are able to shed off our hypocriticism like a worn out jacket. Then we are able to realize our sacred potential and become Christ on earth.

True love waits – or the marriage with your Holy Guardian Angel

Today I came across a version of Radiohead’s ‘True love waits’ which I had never heard before. What I really love about this version of the song is that the original always seemed a bit sad to me (which I like being a bit of a sentimental person 🙂 ). Basically it is about this guy putting all his pride away and begging to his love: Don’t leave! But this version has two additional musical elements to it, which make the sound tremendously comforting and uplifting to me. And which add an almost mystical dimension to the song. 

Musically, it starts with Thom on a classical guitar. This is more or less the original version of the song and it is a bit sad indeed. I tried to capture the desperate and stuck in time energy by dancing mechanically and looking around for my loved one. 

Around the two minute mark, the two additional sounds slowly start to appear. On one side there is a catchy repetitive keyboard riff. And on the other side there is this high dreamy sound. Somewhere it sounds like the distant calling of a magical bird. A Phoenix perhaps? Only after a couple of times listening, I realized that this magical sound is produced by Johnny Greenwood on his guitar. Also, only after a couple of times I realized that this sound is in the song from the very start! Although very distant at first and only to really appear at the musical climaxes of the song. I tried to dance on the sound of the Phoenix by letting my left hand fly freely with its ancient cries for love. With my right hand I tried to catch sound of the repetitive keyboard riff. It felt like a straight circular movement but also with an acceleration at the end. As a result the circles which I tried to make with my right hand were 11/12th instead of full circle resulting in a retrograde movement. 

Yes, this version of True love waits gives a magical addition to the original version. With this version it is not only the desperate desire for a loved one on earth. This version conveys the spiritual longing to reunite with your Holy Guardian Angel (represented by the calling of the Phoenix) as well. However, when hearing the magical call of the Phoenix it becomes apparent that it longs to be with us just as much or maybe even more than us!  This is a duet between Thom and the Phoenix. But how come when both parties are longing so much, that the song is so uplifting? 

This is the magical ingredient of the repetitive piano. There is such a positive vibe to it. The force of the keyboard brings both Thom and the magical flute together and bonds them. The piano riff is like the hierophant from the Thoth tarot card. It unites and blesses the Lovers in a heavenly hieros gamos. 

And when they finally are married with their true love, the waiting is over. Finally, both vow and say to each other at the altar: won’t leave!