In fields of gold with your higher self

Today, I listened to Fields of Gold performed by Eva Cassidy. It hits me straight to the heart. My emotions are gently stirred and the song takes me away to lustful summer fields filled with wheat. The sun light dances over the yellow tops of the field and all is pure gold.

The song reminds me of that precious promise which I have made a couple of times in my life. Once I held a love in the sea and as the sun danced on the waves I told her that I would never let her go. Another time, another person, I made the same promise as I held her lying in bed with our tear filled eyes. ‘I will pledge my loyalty to you. I will overcome all challenges which will face us. I will change myself for us.’ Especially the last promise is very dangerous.

Then reality kicks in: these loves are gone now. The memories remain, although the initial fields of gold are stained with thick layers of shit (which, by the way, is a great fertilizer!).

In the song many years have gone and the couple celebrates their love with children running on the same fields of gold. In my reality, years go by and because of my previous experiences, the fields of gold are further away than ever. No longer can I look at fields of gold and only see the innocent waving of the wheats in the sun. I also see the harvest, a long cold winter, and future seasons which repeat all for reasons unknown to me.

My response to this song comes forward in the emotional cry of Eva at the beginning and the end of the song: hoe (hoe means how in Dutch)? After many years of personal development I realize more and more that my true love will most likely not be found with a physical partner.

And thus I turn to this other partner that I have: my inner self. One more time I listen to the song and I imagine that I sing this song for my higher self. And I remember how at one time my days were filled with darkness and sorrow. And I remember my pledge to my higher self that the glass would no longer be half empty, but half filled. How I slowly accept myself more and more for who I am even though I might cost me some people along the road. As a result slowly I am filling my field with golden experiences. A sunset in the car with a beautiful song. Looking into the dancing golden lights in a sauna pool. Having mystical experiences when dancing.

Yes, now, I feel the power of this song again. No longer does it taste bitter. It is a renewal of my commitment to my Self to walk in fields of Light. Slowly, more and more, I see my passions becoming material as if they are children running in joy through the fields of gold.

The dark sexual hymn to Persephone’s rebirth into Light

The last couple of weeks I have been completely mesmerized by the clip and song of Interpol’s Lights. It consists of a couple of seemingly not related parts: the clip, a cryptic message at the introduction and the lyrics of the song.

The clip starts of with the following intriguing message:

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Surely beetles have pheromones and these are released at certain times (mating season!), but beetles do not really have chambers and certainly pheromones are released automatically and not by means of ritual.

The clip of the song takes us to this mysterious pheromone-harvesting ritual. A woman in black is carefully prepared by two courtesans (!) for a ritual. At the end of the clip, she has orgasmic movements on an interestingly shaped black stone and milk like substance starts flowing from her eyes and mouth. At the end of the video the complete floor is flooded with the white substance which is collected in a drain.

The lyrics of the song are mysterious. It is like a prayer or an invocation. There is devotion, but there is also something dark and sinister about it. The song ends by repeating: ‘that’s why I hold you’.

 

What can all this mean?

To be honest, it took me a long time to be able to figure out what the deeper meaning of this song could be. When looking up the origin of the word pheromone, I came to the Greek root pherein, which means to transport / communicate.

Further searching on myths and symbolism of pherein, I finally struck gold: another name for Persephone is pherein phonon (bringer of death). Often pheromones ‘transport’ sexual attraction although they can also transport other messages. In the case of Persephone it is death. Identifying Persephone in the clip shed a completely different light on the song.

What do we know of Persephone? She is once abducted by Hades into the Underworld and separated from her mother Core. Core’s grief was so great that she stops all growth on the earth. By the intervention of Hermes (as the messenger of the Gods, he can be as a pheromone himself) it is agreed that Persephone will stay in the underworld one half of the year and will be on earth the other part of the year. Persephone symbolically represents the seasonality of mother earth. As the clip moves from completely black to the floor covered in white one may conclude that this ritual is about Persephone transforming from winter time to spring time. This ritual is held on the shortest day of the year: at this moment the light is born again. This is reflected in the title of the song: Lights. Why Lights might be in plural is be explained later in this article. The outfit of the courtesans indicate that this is an ongoing process: one has de top of her head black (winter) and the other the bottom part of her head (summer). On the longest day an inverse ritual will be held: from white to black. As always, the courtesans would carefully assist in the transformation.

Two things stand out in this ritual. First, there is a dark serious expression on the face of Persephone in particular and the ritual as a whole. Persephone looks as if she is about to die. And in fact she is: although she went through this ritual millions of times before, it remains scary to give up her current form in order to become another. The ritual is meticulous and the journey remains dangerous.

The second thing is fascinating: the transformation from one form to the other is sexual. The way in which Persephone lies and curls on the black stone and eventually climaxes is like she is performing a hieros gamos with the earth symbolized by the black stone. Persephone experiences a petit mort which turns out to be a grande mort and eventually a grande rebirth. Death takes the shape of divine ecstasy and a cosmic orgasm. By the voluntary sacrifice of her life, she brings life and fertilizes the earth. This is symbolized as the white fluid being captured in … a drain! Those who are familiar with the Cabalistic concept of Earth as Malkuth will recognize the drain symbolism. But how can a female goddess fertilize the Earth?

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A clue for this mystery can be found in the tarot card Princess of Disks in Crowley’s Thoth tarot. Here, a Persephone like figure stands in a barren land and decisively points a phallic diamond tipped wand to the ground. The princess has a similar look of intense brooding as Persephone has in the clip. She looks as if she is witnessing a secret wonder. She established her altar in the midst of a grove of barren trees that her fertile presence will restore to health. Persephone’s horny (pun intended!) hairdo of the clip also refer to the horns of the princess of disks. The black stone in the clip has the same symbolism as the barren earth on the tarot card. It is simultaneously a throne and a grave.

Following from the understanding of the periodic ritual of Persephone, the mystery of the Rhinoceros beetle can be understood: when the sexual pheromone message is transmitted, spring starts and as a result the mating season as well. The sperm going down the drain symbolizing the fertilization of the lands for the next spring. In Egyptian mythology Khepri was the scarab beetle god. He way a solar deity and, like sperm, is a fertilizing power. Khepri rules over creation and rebirth. It is quite fitting that within the creation of the world, there the seasonal rites of Persephone are held.

The lyrics point towards a different aspect of the song. The singer is talking to someone and asks for insights, help, and mercy. Could it be that the singer is performing a ritual where he asks for the help of Persephone to help bring forth the light in himself? After a long dark night of the soul? The main sentence of the lyrics is: ‘that’s why I hold you’. He holds Persephone, the bringer of death, in order to be reborn again. Might this be the reason why the song is called Lights instead of Light? Perhaps it is because the Light needs to be reborn every year again and again? Similarly, the Light needs to be reborn in each and every one of us. It becomes clear that the singer longs to be like Persephone: he also longs to make the daring transfer from darkness in order to orgasmically be reborn into Light.

My dance interpretation on Interpol’s Lights

Lyrics Interpol’s Lights:

All that I see Show me your ways Teach me to meet my desires… With some grace

All that I fear Don’t turn away And leave me to plead in this hole of a place… Cause what if I never break Estuary won’t you take me Far away Far away

All that I seek Please police me I want you to police me But keep it clean Uhhh…

How have you been, my day Now let’s take them away (That’s why I hold you) Strong as you’ve seen Old as you behave (That’s why I hold you) You will always obey (That’s why I hold you)

All that I feel Capital ways Teach me to grieve and conspire With my age

All that I can see Domestic spree A seething routine I could never navigate Maybe I like to stray

No heart unseen will be left so clean Not today It’s like you want it that way

All that I see Is peaceful eyes drawn away from me Drawn away from me (Drawn away from me)

We would like to take the sights (That’s why I hold you) And bring silence in disguise (That’s why I hold you, dear) We would like to meet the buyer (That’s why I hold you) That is all your life

That’s why I hold you That’s why I hold you That is why I hold you That’s why I hold you That is why I hold you dear That’s why I hold you That’s why I hold you dear….

 

Note to self love – erken je negativiteit

Gisteravond was ik om iets kleins gefrustreerd. Een vriendin van me zei: ‘frustratie sta je zelf toe, toch?’. ‘Yep’, kon ik alleen maar reageren.

Vanochtend dacht ik daaraan terug. Ik moest ook terug denken aan toen ik 20 was en ik kort anti-depressiva nodig had. Ja, ik was van mijn negatieve gedachten af. En op dat moment was dat belangrijk. Maar tegelijkertijd was ik ook van mijn positieve gedachten af. Ik voelde mij net een zombie. Intuïtief wilde ik dit niet. Niet lang daarna ben ik naar een hobbywinkel gegaan en heb schildersspullen gekocht. Ik ben gaan schilderen en heb mijn negatieve gedachten en gevoelens aan het papier toevertrouwd. Leuk of mooi was het zeker niet! Maar ik gaf wel erkenning en ruimte aan wat er was. Jaren later heb ik terug gekeken naar die schilderijen en gezien dat onder de lelijkheid, grote schoonheid verborgen zat. Vandaag de dag uit ik mij door middel van dans, maar het principe is hetzelfde gebleven: maak contact met wat er is en transformeer het door middel van creativiteit.

Als ik iets ‘verkeerd’ heb gedaan gisteren, was het dit: ik had mijzelf ruimhartig toe moeten staan gefrustreerd te zijn. Want ja, als het moet kan ik mijn frustratie onderdrukken. En als het te lang duurt (zelfmedelijden) moet je ook ingrijpen. Maar je negativiteit de facto onderdrukken is uiteindelijk geen heilzame weg. Want negatieve emoties blokkeren kost je uiteindelijk, linksom of rechtsom, ook je positieve emoties.

Laat dit nu ook de reden zijn van mijn frustratie van gisteren: ik had heel hard gewerkt gisteren en een dansfeestje waar ik mij op verheugd had ging niet door. Een kans om mij te uiten ging verloren en daardoor had ik een baalavond. Maar vanochtend, door mijn frustratie te ervaren  en te erkennen heb ik wel deze note to self love kunnen schrijven.

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Our tragedic misconception of threesomes

Lately I have been intrigued by threesomes. Maybe it has to do with my curious nature, the period of the year (spring, Gemini), but most notably by the Interpol song ‘No I in threesome’. On the first outset this song is a superficial and dark love song about a guy who tries to convince his girlfriend to have a threesome. But there is something more to the song. It intuitively fascinated me and after listening to the song 10+ times the image of The Lovers appeared. It changed the perspective of the song 180 degrees: now, still being in a relationship crisis, he suggests letting their separate two egos’ go and unite to realize the ultimate connection: the alchemical marriage.

Literally the song is about a relationship in demise. He thanks her for her support in the past and he describes their deadlock. As a result of the crisis they fight a lot. So what do couples do when they are in a relationship crisis? They take the risk and make a jump forward in the deep. Some couples make a third by getting children. Or more superficially in this song, they include someone else to spice things up sexually. It is a new, exiting, but often disastrous final chapter in relationships.
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Seen from a spiritual perspective, however, the current roles in the relationship are finished, but not necessarily the relationship itself. The singer sees this clearly. He sings:

‘You feel the sweet breath of time
It’s whispering, its truth not mine
There’s no I in threesome’

Intuitively he knows that they need to make a jump in the abyss if they want to continue their joint spiritual development (they could stay together but then they would stop developing themselves). He knows that they need to give themselves up in order to truly become one: 1 + 1 = 3. He hints at a profound spiritual truth.
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The singer seems to refer at the alchemical marriage of the king and queen as described for example in the Rosary of the Philosophers.  (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosary_of_the_Philosophers ). This is a pictorial alchemical process consisting of 20 steps (which are depicted here between the text blocks). In it a king and queen give themselves up in various stages only in order to recombine again on a higher arc. They depict the alchemical hieros gamos. This is the magical 1 + 1 = 3! Usually this is to symbolize an internal path of development, but it can also be extrapolated to relationships as well.

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The song is tragic, however. Because, although the singer feels that something must be done in their relationship, but he doesn’t know how. He is no alchemist. The cost of raising the issue and failing the challenge is tremendously high: it will cost them their relationship. The singer of the song seems to know subconsciously that he will fail: if he was optimistic he would have called the song ‘No I in three’. Now it is threesome. It is the tragic ‘No’ of I in three.

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This song describes a sad reality of relationships in our society: we don’t know how to realize the fabled alchemical marriages. As a result many relationships are ‘stable’, create 3’s by means of offspring, have superficial sexual encounters instead of spiritual unification. As a result most lovers don’t realize their higher potential in the relationship by losing their I but gaining a three.

Pentecost – the time to receive the Holy Ghost and to become a Christ on earth

At Pentacost we celebrate the indwelling of the Holy Ghost and the receiving of the Fiery Tongues from Christ to the 12 disciples representing humanity. From this moment on every human has personally received the Word of God and as a consequence was no longer dependent of a spiritual intermediates: every one could personally commune with God. But this gift also gave us the personal responsibility to act upon the Word of God by respecting and upholding the 10 commandments.

At the time of Pentecost the connection between the Holy Ghost and ourselves is strong. We get inspiration from our higher self and as a result our ego becomes purified and cleansed. When speaking in tongues we also realize again Gods wises. Pentecost is a wakeup for us call to stop being hypocritical.

This message is represented in the video clip of the song Rabbit in your Headlights by UNKLE. An immigrant is walking on the busy car lane towards the light at the end of the tunnel. He is speaking in tongues and is neglected and run over by passing cars. He seems to shout ‘Saint Christopher’ and ‘Shemesh!’ being Hebrew for sun. Surprisingly, although hit by cars, the immigrant is able to keep getting up. In these cars are Christian suburbian eyes: people assumed to church every Sunday, but failing to empathically respond to the needy and homeless.

The end of the clip is messianistic. It is unclear to me if he is Christ returned or that he received the Holy Ghost. Either way, the statement is clear: the cross is stronger than matter.

And with this he hints to the sacred potential that we have: when at Pentecost we internalize the Holy Ghost, we are able to shed off our hypocriticism like a worn out jacket. Then we are able to realize our sacred potential and become Christ on earth.

What makes Hermetic Flow Dance such a magical dance?

Yesterday, I danced on a song [1] and the practice of this dance gave me profound insights on the deeper meaning of the song. I was deeply touched by it, but when looking back at it today, I also was surprised that technically the dance was not my greatest achievement. The question is: what made this ‘simple dance’ so magical?

As said, technically, there seems to be not much to the dance. The feet and leg pattern are not very exciting. The head movements are also basic. I notice that I make these type of movements a lot and that they become a regular part of my repertoire. And even the main drivers of this dance (left and right arm) are not shocking. And yet, an enormous amount of intensity and energy was raised. In the climaxes of the song a Tipharetic smile breaks through on my face. It is a face of pure joy. And it was so easily attained by a ‘simple’ dance. How it this possible?

It comes back to the basics of Hermetic Flow Dance. The bottom of the body is the main driver to raise the energy and the top body is the part which creates energy. Further, the magical experience is enhanced by the Gurdjieff Movement technique of divided attention where different parts of the body have their own rhythms. This technique is very intense and it raises a lot of energy. The dance breaks down in 3 different parts. The first part is the mechanical part. Here the head, arms and feet move staccato and are used to identify with the sorrowful part of the song. Energy is generated here, but not much energy is created. In this phase it is important to note that the staccato movements of head and arms (and later legs) have their own rhythms. In the second part of the song there is a sort of musical climax. Here the two arms start with the second phase of Hermetic Flow Dance: creating energy. There is divided attention here as well because both arms make their own movements and rhythms, but the lower body keeps on raising energy to the mix. As a result the intensity is higher than in the first phase.

At the final part of the song the energy becomes so intense, that the structure of divided intensity starts to collapse. Instead of this being a failure to hold the structure of the dance, it is in fact the natural and essential result of the process. As the structure imploded, joy and ecstasy were able to arise.

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The mystery of Hermetic Flow Dance is represented in its logo. First, you raise the energy by climbing an energetic stairway as high as possible. And then, when you reached your highest possible peak of energy, the structure and discipline can be let go into Flow.

After the dance I feel that my body has been realigned with my soul. Hermetic Flow Dance allowed me to deeper experience the mysteries of the universe. At the start of the dance, I just had a lovely feeling and an interest in the song. But at the end of the dance, I received profound insights deep into my core. Later when making my notes, I realized that I had touched upon the mystery of the Lovers in the dance (currently we are in Gemini of which the tarot card Lovers is attributed).

All and all Hermetic Flow Dance is a magical dance technique which has the alchemistic quality to solva et coagulate. The first two parts of this dance were about divided attention which is the solva phase. The last part where the structure of the dance imploded is the coagulate phase. This dance enables to experience deep insights and this is why Hermetic Flow Dance is so magical and powerful: it is alchemical dance.

[1] https://irkodel.wordpress.com/2017/05/29/true-love-waits-or-the-marriage-with-your-holy-guardian-angel/

True love waits – or the marriage with your Holy Guardian Angel

Today I came across a version of Radiohead’s ‘True love waits’ which I had never heard before. What I really love about this version of the song is that the original always seemed a bit sad to me (which I like being a bit of a sentimental person 🙂 ). Basically it is about this guy putting all his pride away and begging to his love: Don’t leave! But this version has two additional musical elements to it, which make the sound tremendously comforting and uplifting to me. And which add an almost mystical dimension to the song. 

Musically, it starts with Thom on a classical guitar. This is more or less the original version of the song and it is a bit sad indeed. I tried to capture the desperate and stuck in time energy by dancing mechanically and looking around for my loved one. 

Around the two minute mark, the two additional sounds slowly start to appear. On one side there is a catchy repetitive keyboard riff. And on the other side there is this high dreamy sound. Somewhere it sounds like the distant calling of a magical bird. A Phoenix perhaps? Only after a couple of times listening, I realized that this magical sound is produced by Johnny Greenwood on his guitar. Also, only after a couple of times I realized that this sound is in the song from the very start! Although very distant at first and only to really appear at the musical climaxes of the song. I tried to dance on the sound of the Phoenix by letting my left hand fly freely with its ancient cries for love. With my right hand I tried to catch sound of the repetitive keyboard riff. It felt like a straight circular movement but also with an acceleration at the end. As a result the circles which I tried to make with my right hand were 11/12th instead of full circle resulting in a retrograde movement. 

Yes, this version of True love waits gives a magical addition to the original version. With this version it is not only the desperate desire for a loved one on earth. This version conveys the spiritual longing to reunite with your Holy Guardian Angel (represented by the calling of the Phoenix) as well. However, when hearing the magical call of the Phoenix it becomes apparent that it longs to be with us just as much or maybe even more than us!  This is a duet between Thom and the Phoenix. But how come when both parties are longing so much, that the song is so uplifting? 

This is the magical ingredient of the repetitive piano. There is such a positive vibe to it. The force of the keyboard brings both Thom and the magical flute together and bonds them. The piano riff is like the hierophant from the Thoth tarot card. It unites and blesses the Lovers in a heavenly hieros gamos. 

And when they finally are married with their true love, the waiting is over. Finally, both vow and say to each other at the altar: won’t leave!

 

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De tragische invocatie van Thé Lau’s ‘Open’

Voor mij gaat Thé Lau’s ‘Open’ over de mislukte invocatie van de maangodin om haar sluiers te openen en de zanger te ontvangen. Het lijkt te gaan over een man die zijn Dark night of the soul beleeft. Hij is op een dusdanig dieptepunt gekomen dat alcohol geen uitvlucht meer biedt en zijn vrienden hem niet meer kunnen helpen. Vanuit het diepst van zijn hart richt de hoofdpersoon zich omhoog naar boven. Maar ook al branden de lichten van de hemel, toch wacht zij af of de omstandigheden juist zijn. En helaas: er is teveel verlangen en te weinig tijd. De sluier blijft gesloten en de man blijft achter met een gevoel van onrecht. Hier is een mysterieuze zin: de lafaard krijgt nooit iets. Een waarheid als een koe. Maar deze man was niet laf: hij heeft zich vanuit de grond van zijn hart zich geopend naar de Godin. En toch heeft ze hem afgewezen. Volgens mij zit de ‘afwijzing’ niet in laf of durf, maar in onkunde. Het staat ook zo in de tekst: de hemel kijkt of er iets veranderd. De godin is in stasis tot de tijd rijp is voor haar terugkeer. Hierbij moet de intentie juist zijn. De sluiers van de hemel gaan niet aan de kant zolang men ‘Open’ schreeuwt met zelfmedelijden. De sluiers openen zich alleen wanneer men zijn ego overstijgt en zich opoffert aan de Godin. Bij de versie met Tom Barman bij het afscheidsconcert van Thé Lau in de HMH op 17 juni 2014 zie ik iets bijzonders gebeuren. De zaal schreeuwt zich schor met: ‘Open je voor mij’. Maar eigenlijk zongen ze: ‘Open je voor Thé’. En in mijn fantasie, bij dat concert, op dat moment, zag de Godin dat de tijd rijp was en maakte ze een plekje vrij voor Thé achter haar sluier.

 

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Dancing the bitter joy

This is my dance interpretation of Paul Simon’s Diamonds at the soles of her feet. A tragi-comic song about a poor boy who loves a rich girl. It is a classic recipe for disaster. But the music is so joyful, comforting and uplifting! It was a great joy to dance on it.

Dancing the fireworks of war and love

Waar mensen wonen (where people live) is a song by Dutch singer The Lau who magisterially combines the fireworks of war with the fireworks of love. In the end the fireworks of love conquer the fireworks of war of course. This song has so much power that I had to dance on it and try to portray these inherent opposite qualities of man.