Pain reunion

Gisteren was er een interessante uitzending van de Re√ľnie van de Spelen van 2000 in Sydney. Daarin kwam aan het einde aan bod hoe de mannen zwemestafette (200 vrij?) door een foute wissel van een van de mannen een ‘zekerheidje’ op een medaille verspeelden. Het interessante daaraan was dat deze topsporters niet met hun woede en verdriet om konden gaan. In plaats van de schelden, vloeken, janken, slaan, enzovoorts, zeiden ze niets tegen diegene die de verkeerde wissel had gedaan. Uit onmacht om het hun eigen emoties om te gaan, onderdrukten ze die maar. Begrijpelijk ergens. Maar in deze uitzending zag je de uitwerking daarvan. Er was geen closure geweest. Onderhuids was het verdriet en de woede er nog steeds. En voor degene die de verkeerde wissel maakte, was het gaan kankeren. Er was echt iets bij hem geknakt. Want hij wist dat zijn teammates boos waren. Maar door het niet te adresseren hadden ze hem zonder woorden uit de groep gezet. Door een fout die iedereen had kunnen maken. Ze hadden mijns inziens beter hun emoties de vrije loop kunnen laten gaan. Vloeken, schelden, en misschien zelfs slaan. Een blauw oog heelt een stuk sneller in ieder geval. Daarna is het eruit en kun je erover praten. Je excuses aanbieden. ‘Sorry, het had iedereen kunnen gebeuren’. Maar dan is het onderlinge verdriet en de woede wel erkend. Maar dat is kennelijk toch lastig in onze maatschappij. Want sla je iemand, dan ga je de grens over van fair play. Ben je geen teamspeler meer. Dat is niet professioneel. Het echte uiten van je diepste emoties wordt niet geaccepteerd. In deze documentaire werd heel mooi de echte prijs van niet dealen met je emoties aangetoond.


About mending broken trust

When trust is broken it needs to be restored by something which is called atonement. Atonement is the act of expressing that someone is truly sorry and that they will make amends. However, in our society it seems to be a long lost quality. Currently, it seems that the people who misuse our trust generally just go away. To another challenge, project, or lover or what not. But this behavior is superficial and not sustainable. On one side, people who abuse trust do not learn from their mistakes and do not accept their burdens. You can only grow when you take ownership of your karma. On the other side, the people who have been betrayed are hurt and are reluctant to trust and connect again. Therefore I call to reinstate the value atonement in our society by saying: Please forgive me. I did not realize what I did, but I do now. It will not happen again.

Fear death and be strong

‘you do not fear death. you think it makes you strong, but it makes you weak. how can you fight longer than possible without the most powerful thing on earth: the fear of death. make the climb as the child did. without the rope. then fear will find you again.’

a man needs to acknowlegde his pain and contain it. only then he can use his pain to climb out of the pit. the pit of self pity.

Dance has positive effects on pain threshold (a proxy for endorphin activation) and in-group bonding. Met andere woorden: pijn is fijn. Ach, ik noem het gewoon passie!

New University of Oxford study finds that dancing benefits health and wellness

dancing atronaut.JPG

The art of depression

The passing away of Robin Williams due to a depression, hits something deep inside of me. I too can be funny and like to be a clown sometimes. And I too have suffered from a depressions in my early twenties. Looking back today, I almost forgot what it was like. My depression resolved about not taking care of myself and unresolved childhood issues boiling up. I became very cynical and sarcastic. People around me offered love and support, but I could not accept it. This was my own demon to face. I had a continuous flow of the same logical thoughts inside my head, which boiled down to: I am not OK, but you have to be OK, but I am not OK, ect. These thoughts more and more and exhausted me completely on multiple levels. I was out of touch with my emotions and I basically became a robot. Finally, I sought help from a psychiatrist and I got some meds as well. But what truly saved me was that I started to take up painting. I am no artist, but for some reason I wanted to paint. I painted these horrible, cold pop-art paintings of which I posted some of them here. I remember finishing one painting, walking away to grab a beer and returning to look at the end result. I was shocked! I thought to myself: ‘I must be really unhappy to paint something like that’. For the first time in a long time I was able to feel empathy for myself. To see tht I was hurt. I started to communicate with my dark side throught these paintings and learned to embrace and accept it. I even hung up these paintings in my living room. Like an art gallery of the dark night of the soul! Looking back, this was my turning point and my slow way back from hell began. This path I had to walk alone, but through my paintings I was able to communicate with my emotions and maybe even with my soul. Later, when I felt better I became ashamed of these paintings. Some I threw away and others I hid for quite some years. Untill today. The sad news of Robins depression brought me back to them. They are flat, ugly, and cold, but for me they were my saviour in my saddest hour. Today I am blessed because I am strong and happy without despressions. I learned how to regularly communicate with my dark side. I learned to to take care of myself. I hope that this post may direct someone else to a nearby hobbyshop in order to make some gruesome paintings as well! In order to start a conversation with the dark side which lives in all of us. It is an ugly conversation which brought me sorrow and empathy but which also led me to self acceptance and made me whole again. Which made me human again.

Empathic teaching

these most touching images of horses who go in a situation to save other horses for me describe the need for empathy. when you want to help somebody the right answer is often not the solution. it is also about the process. somebody needs to see what is the right way out. so if you truly want to help somebody, go in, make contact with their pain and lead them the way out. then they will follow you. the dutch writer harry mulisch wanted to show these images on his funeral. only now i understand that harry also was one of these saving horses, who was trying to save the other horses by means of his literature.

De schoonheid van passie

Hoe kan de boodschap van passie niet altijd leuk zijn, maar toch raken en ontroeren? Neem opera. Hartstochtelijke verhalen, hartverscheurend mooi… Opera is puur uitgekristaliseerd gevoel. Welke ons herinnert aan ons eigen pure gevoel. Wat ons troost brengt, wat ons thuis brengt. Wat ons herinnert aan de schoonheid van ons eigen proces. Al was het maar voor heel even.